Uh Oh ... I discuss dominance!

I have been researching the perfect dog toy lately, so of course, I headed over to the US patent office web site where I could peruse every dog item ever imagined. Do you know what I found? The majority of the applications AND granted patents are for things that punish our "best friends." Apparently, people are obsessed with shocking, spraying cold water, using noxious gases and a variety of equally heinous things. The things I saw listed would have made a Spanish Grand Inquisitor drool.

What. is. up. with. that!?

Need to dominate
Of course, I know, it goes back to our perceived need to "dominate" nature and thae idea that we have to make animals submit or they might eat us. If you stop and think about it, you know that this is not necessarily so. Trust me, they don't use dominance to train killer whales at Sea World. So the whole thing is not that clear-cut, in fact, there is a great debate over dominance based vs. reward-based training going on in the dog trainer community.

Flawed Dominance Studies
It turns out that the original studies which came up with the whole "alpha dog" concept were not done in an authentic pack, but at a zoo, using wolves that were strangers to each other! In an actual wolf family the alpha rolls and scruff shakes rarely happen. That is not all, UPenn just published the results of a wonderful year-long study that proves that aggressive dominance based techniques will lead to owner directed aggression.

Translation, people who use dominance-based trainng techiniques actually get bit more often than not. Check it out here. It seems like a flawed concept that needs to be revisited.

The Better Way
On top of all that there are a lot of great trainers and behaviorists that have worked out really effective ways to get your dog to act like a civilized member of society that actually work. Of course, for me, this all makes perfect sense. You see, like many of you, I am not a bully by nature, I don't ooze testosterone (no offense to those of you who do, i love men, but i can't lift 100 pounds either). So when the first professional trainer I worked with (oof that was a long time ago!) arrived at my house and body slammed my dog, I watched in amazement as that dog did anything that woman wanted. Did she obey me without question. Of course not. Way before the Dog Whisperer became all the rave, I knew you can't fake this stuff. So I had to find another way.
If you are a parent, this should feel familiar
Luckily two things happened. First as I was getting educated, the field of dog behavior was developing into a serious science and there was a ton of material for me to work with. Second, I had a son. For many reasons, I was committed to using positive parenting techniques with my child. Long story short, I ended up with a kid that, as a toddler, would get compliments from total strangers in restaurants. What is my point? I was proactive in many situations, used my head, and was always looking for teaching opportunities. That is not to say I did not have incompetent moments, no one is perfect, but I recognized them and moved forward.

What I have Learned
How does this translate to training a dog? Well, I realized that the trainers on the positive reinforcement side of the fence were advocating the same basic concepts found in good parenting.

Be clear about what you expect
Give lots of guidance
Manage your dogs environment so it is easy to do right
Make it fun.

I have achieved so much more with dogs, mine and yours, using positive reinforcement and humane techniques that I ever did pretending to be some psycho that shakes, rolls and beats a dog into submission. Don't misunderstand this, I am no pushover with my dogs (or with my son), but I am not a bully either. I think that often we are presented with a false choice here, like if you don't bully, well, you are a wimp. Believe me, it takes MUCH more inner fortitude to CALMLY keep still (yes calm and assertive) than it does to go into the alpha roll thing. Another thing I want to be clear on, I admire Cesar Milan for all he has accomplished, but you have to remember it is TV, and as such it has limits in its applications in real life. Real life is harder, more work and will take longer, and Cesar gets bitten.

I understand some of this will surprise some of you, so I will leave you with one of my favorite animal behaviorist, Ian Dunbar at his recent TED talk, he says it better than I do.

Saying Good Bye

There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. Washington Irving

The Epona family lost some friends in 2008 and already in 2009, each one of them was special to us. It’s obvious that saying good bye to our pets is not easy but there is so much more. In the passing of our friends there are blessings. We participate in a sacred thing and often with all the courage we can muster give our furbabies a final gift of extraordinary love. I am so grateful to them and their humans for letting me be part of their lives. They each gave us so much love and always taught us something. So I just want to say a few words then I invite you to tell us all about your friends, we can remember the good times together. First here’s to Bolton the Goldie and his brother Braley. They were really something special. When Braley died, leaving Bolton alone for the 1st time in his life it was tough on everyone. 2 weeks later I was asked to take care of Bolton while his humans went away for the day. I stepped into the house and he came running to me and sat down. For some reason I got down on 1 knee and that dog put his paws and his head on my shoulders and just cried. I shared something mystical with him that day, he communicated to me more clearly that any human the pain in his heart. Then it struck me, how far I had evolved from the indoctrinated scientist who was supposed to believe animals “don’t feel or grieve”. I had a witness to it and I was grateful. I have now heard many instances of animals close to death that wait for that special human to come home so they can “let go”. I saw it with our cat, Mr. Sebastian, the toughest cat I have ever known, he clung to every breath until I got there, I said to him, “it’s ok, you can go now” and in that instant everything changed. His body relaxed and he exhaled one long exhale for the last time. Finally, as many of you know I said good bye to my dear Sophie this year. That little dog taught me what it is to be brave. She overcame so much, so many fears of her own and until the day we discovered a giant tumor in her bladder, she would chase down the biggest buck without a thought. I will never forget the day my mother in law held my newborn son and inadvertently walked near the front door. That little dog threw herself at that door to block the exit. NOBODY was going to get past her with our newest pack member. The thing is, it wasn’t that long before that day that Sophie was so afraid of people that she preferred her crate when we had visitors. That’s courage, whenever I have to do something kind of hard, I think of Sophie on that day, thanks little Sophie, I will always love you.

To all the others in the Epona Family, Calvin, Kelsie and Toby the dogs and Shadow the donkey, you have each given your own extraordinary gift, I will miss you. I’m not sure where our sweet ones go after they transition, but I love the rainbow bridge idea , either way, I know they are waiting for us.

Sophies' Gift

It was a beautiful fall day when I met her, of course I had no intention of coming home with a dog. My purpose was clear, I was there with my husband to help organize a pet adoption day. Sophie was just one of the tough cases. It turned out she had been rejected by 4 homes. I didn’t ask what the issues were because as I said, I was not in the market for a dog. So the adoption day went off without a hitch, but I couldn’t get the little lost dog out of my head. My husband and I kept talking about her, we already had a dog and both of us worked full time and we had discussed the possibility of getting Matilda a playmate. Then one evening the phone rang, it was the lovely woman from the shelter, calling about business around the adoption day and I had to ask, was Sophie still there, yes she said, she would be perfect for you, she said. She went on to remark how Sophie really responded to us and how great it would be for our other dog to have a friend. She would be great in a multiple pet house, she was so sweet and housebroken and she suggested we think about taking her. So in a moment of weakness, I agreed to come out the following sat. and JUST talk about it! HA!

Another beautiful day, this time we really got to see her life, lots of crate time, not lots of home time, fostering was not that common back then and dogs waited and waited in the shelters. She seemed so eager to please, she fetched and rolled over and looked at me with those eyes! The shelter worker proclaimed a perfect match and my husband and I dove in! With our eyes tightly shut!

The first day at home took me completely by surprise. You see I was one of those very dangerous types who read EVERY dog training book there was. I was well schooled by Barbara Woodhouse and believed with all my heart that there were NO bad dogs. I read the wise words of the fine Monks of New Skete and seriously considered tethering my dog to a car and driving her around dirt roads at 5 mph. The list goes on, of course there is one thing those books can’t give you, the experience of an individual, wacky dog. So off we went to the shelter to bring Miss Sophie home, I fully expected Matilda my 14 month old Rottie mix to welcome this change with open arms, er I mean paws! After all what all a dog really wants is company, they love being with other dogs...right? Well, Matilda was not all all happy about this, in fact, she shunned me for 3 days. Now I don’t mean she avoided me, oh no, she went out of her way to walk past me, looking the other way. Ignoring me and otherwise letting me know that she was very unhappy about this. I was stunned, how could she be so ungrateful! That was simply the calm before the storm.

Sophie went on to live a long and happy life with us, after many many tears, sleepless nights and general mayhem, I will happily share those stories in later posts. For now, I feel that although she has passed and hopefully waits for me on the other side, Sophie is part of everything I do. You see, one could view this story as on of a human giving a home and a life to a difficult pet in need. But that would be wrong. Sophie gave me so much more than I gave her. She taught me things about dogs, about life that only she could. That is her gift, my path in life came out of my journey with her. I will miss you sweet Sophie and I will always be grateful for that sunny Saturday many years ago.